Concrete ways to improve your self esteem

1. Remove the toxic people from your life

It's easier said than done. But honest to god, you have to do this. You will never be able to heal if your environment is damaged. It's like putting a fish in toxic water. The fish will 'breathe' in the poison and die. You have to put the fish in clean water. A place where it can receive the right things to be healthy. Likewise, you have to put yourself in healthy water; around people, places and things that are good for you.

2. Spend time on self care

Self-care is not vanity. It's self-care. Eating well, getting massages, doing face masks, having hair treatments, etc. are good for you. Sometimes essential! You will be surprised at how much better you feel after doing them.

Many people struggle with pampering themselves because they think they do not deserve/need it. If you're one of these people, get out of this mindset! A helpful tip is to tell yourself that it is an investment. The effort you put into self-care will manifest itself in several ways: better skin, better health, better energy and better mindset. Remember that when you take care of yourself, you show yourself you're worth being taken care of. And this will help improve your self-esteem.

3. My favourite exercise

At a breaking point last year, I discovered I had an anxious attachment style. Anxious attachment means to have large amounts of anxiety in my relationships. I was constantly plagued by fear that my loved ones were going to leave me. Reassurance was useless. I was constantly terrified. It was a default state; as if my brain was wired to feel that way. So I was always anxious 'in the background'. At the root of it all was low self esteem.

It was too painful to continue living that way. It was tiring. I wanted to start having security on my own. So I started searching for ways to change my anxious attachment to a secure attachment (the most healthy type) and I found this exercise:

  1. What occurred during the day that showed you that you are worthy of love? or at least questions your perception of being unlovable? Pick 1 or 2 situations

  2. How did you feel in these situations? Try to name the particular emotion

  3. How did you think about these situations? e.g. did you dismiss or minimize this feedback/did you doubt the honesty or intention of the person? Describe your thought process

  4. What good or positive things did you do today? Everything counts, nothing is insignificant

  5. In what ways did anyone show they appreciate you?

  6. If someone has made you feel unlovable, could you be misinterpreting their motivation/intentions? e.g. his tiredness as your being uninteresting

Do it consistently everyday. You can write it down or do it mentally. I really like this exercise because it encourages me to recall positive things I tend to forget. Remembering simple things and cultivating gratitude for them can really remind us of how loved we are.

Till next time xx