Updated: Jun 25, 2019
Hello everyone! So for my 20th birthday and I thought I'd do a little reflective piece. This piece turned out to be a little bit long so I've split it into 3 short articles. The articles consist of what I've learnt so far and what I want to bring with me into the next decade and new phase of life. Enjoy x.
The value of acceptance
I'll be honest: I don't come from the happiest of homes. But I've learnt that I can accept my home. I don't have to like some people, but I can love them.
How did I realise this? Well, it kind of starts from a bigger perspective: Society.
Asian society to be exact.
It's become evident to me that in Asian society, duty is a huge concept. Families stay together out of duty even when there is little affection and love. It sounds really sad. In fact, it is. It has many cons but I've come to realise that it has pros too. One very large pro is learning the value of acceptance at a young age.
Say you've had a bad fight with a family member. Like a really, really bad fight. Imagine the worst possible fight you could have, and it was worse than that.
After this amazingly shitty fight, you manage to gain some stability and prepare to say goodbye to this toxic person in your life.
But it doesn't happen. The goodbye doesn't happen, because they don't want to say goodbye back.
For the first time in their life, they say sorry. Verbally.
As a family member they stick to their duty of being there and providing for you. And a small, very small part of your heart opens ever so slightly, and you see their apologies through their actions. You realise that they truly are sorry.
But that fight was irreversible. It was a slap in the face that taught you this person will never change.
It taught you that this person has different values, morals and beliefs from you.
The way they perceive, store and process information is different from you.
Their literal mind is different from yours.
They're different, and you can't change it. You realise you have to accept this person to avoid such an escalation again.
The acceptance is not for them but for yourself, for your own peace of mind.
All my life I've been learning that open communication always helps any relationship. That shit is not true.
In reality, your efforts to openly communicate may get shut down.
In reality, some people can't handle honesty.
And in reality, that's. Okay.
Once I subconsciously learnt all this, I started to let go.
I let go of wanting to openly communicate and force a healthy relationship because in reality? There are different types of healthy relationships.
Some relationships become healthier when you distance yourself.
I now realise the true amount of fatigue and frustration I felt trying to force a type of healthy relationship that was not possible for my situation.
Acceptance is tough and no one can teach it to you, but it brings so much peace and is of such great value.